Most parents long for a close and loving relationship with their child or children. For those with biological children, the connection begins long before the baby is born.
For adoptive parents, however, building a bond and creating a familial attachment takes special attention. It doesn’t always come naturally.
At Adoption Angels, we understand the unique challenges adoptive parents have in bonding with their child. Whether you met at the moment of birth, weeks or months later, or you’ve adopted an older child, learning how to bond is critical.
Is It Possible to Not Bond With Your Adopted Child?
As potential adoptive parents, you’ve most likely suffered through infertility, worked tirelessly to meet the requirements for adoption qualification, and waited for a birth mother to choose you. How is it possible that when a baby is placed in your arms, you don’t feel an immediate love and connection?
Not experiencing instant bonding with your newly adopted baby is not uncommon. You’ve missed out on the pregnancy experience and the joy of bringing a new life into the world. It’s natural to feel a sense of disconnection.
Adoptive parents have a unique learning curve with every child they adopt. There needs to be a concerted effort to bond.
Why Do You Have to Work at Bonding?
Interestingly, a vice president for Counselling and Care Ministries at Focus on the Family Canada told every adoptive parent that all adopted children have experienced a disrupted attachment.
No matter when they come into your home, your adopted children already know a separation from all things familiar. For some, that biological separation caused what one author referred to as a “primal wound.”
They’ve come to you with a sense of rejection and abandonment. Your child may not be able to express the loss, but they feel insecure and ultimately fear rejection again.
As a greater understanding of fetal development comes to light, it makes sense that an adopted child would struggle. They’ve heard their birth mother’s voice and heartbeat, experienced the same foods she did, and even felt her emotions.
Once born, the familiar is gone, and they need to readjust to the “new normal.” Like their adoptive parents, they enter a unique learning curve.
What Are Techniques for Greater Attachment and Bonding?
Attachment and bonding are actually two different aspects of a parent-child relationship. Bonding is an unconditional action an adult takes toward a child, whereas attachment is the conditional action a child takes toward an adult when they feel safe.
Here are some essential tools to encourage the attachment process.
Predictability
All children require care and nurturing, but they also need structure. Establish a regular schedule for naps. Create a consistent evening routine, such as taking a bath, reading a book, or praying. Predictability helps children feel secure.
Playful Interactions
Quality time spent with your children goes a long way in making them feel loved and nurtured. Whether it’s fun play, a sincere hug, or simply being together, these activities encourage attachment.
Responsive Caregiving
You automatically meet your child’s needs when it comes to food, diaper changing, or when they’re tired. It’s also essential to meet their emotional needs. Offering reassurance regularly helps a child trust you and your quick response to their needs.
How Can Adoption Angels Assist Us?
The team at Adoption Angels has over 50 years of combined experience in the area of adoption. We provide educational resources to support adoptive parents before they bring their baby home and offer counseling and support groups afterwards.
If you are a couple interested in pursuing adoption, please complete our form. We will then email you an information packet and instructions to help you get started.
Adoption is a journey, and we’re eager to walk alongside you every step of the way.
Share
Hello & Thank You , First, we want to thank you for taking a look into our lives and reviewing our book. We can’t even begin to understand what you are going through, but we pray that God continues to give you strength and courage through all the emotions you are feeling. We know that you are a selfless woman just by knowing that you are choosing to create an adoption plan for your child. Our names are Jose and Daniella. We met each other in 2014, and we got married in 2016. A year later, we began trying to have a child of our own. After three years of seeing a fertility doctor and seven years of trying different treatments, we were unsuccessful. Jose and I want to expand our family, and we know adoption is the answer to our prayers. We both have siblings we grew up with, and we hope that we are able to add another sibling to expand our love and family in the near future. We want you to know that your child is already loved by so many, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and many more family members. We promise to raise your child with unconditional love, provide many life skills, compassion, respect, morals, and provide any education your child dreams of. We also believe in God and would love to raise your child knowing who God is. If you choose us to be part of your adoption plan, we can assure you that we will share your child’s adoption story with them from the very beginning. We will celebrate the love you have for them and honor the decision you made. Thank you once again for this opportunity to get to know us. This process has been one we prayed and cried about, as having a family of our own has been a difficult journey for us both. As you glance through our book, we pray that you see the love we share with each other, our families, our faith, and the joy we have for the future journey we have prayed about. Whichever decision you make, we want you to know that you will forever be in our prayers. Sincerely, Jose & Daniella
Hello & Thank You , We are truly excited to meet you and thank you for taking the time to get to know us. Even though we have not met yet, we are already holding you and your child close in our hearts. We admire your strength and bravery, and we promise to be by your side every step of the way. If you choose us, we will welcome your child into our family with open arms and open hearts, and love and protect them for the rest of our lives. We will dance in the rain wearing yellow rain boots, face challenges together, celebrate joyful moments, and experience all that life has to offer as a family. We are Iván, Angel, and our sweet daughter, Milana, who cannot wait to become a big sister! Our home is full of energy, love, and laughter, along with our three little dogs who keep us smiling. Our family is close-knit, supportive, and full of joy. Our path to having another child has been challenging. After trying for years to grow our family, we realized adoption was the right path for us. As we began the adoption process, we received the unexpected but joyful news that we are pregnant. While this was a surprise, it has only deepened our excitement about growing our family through both birth and adoption. We have always envisioned a home filled with love, and we believe having children close in age will create a unique and beautiful bond between siblings. One full of friendship, support, and shared experiences. No matter how a child comes into our family, we will love them with every fiber of our being. Our commitment to adoption remains strong, and we are excited to welcome more children into a home where they will be deeply cherished. Our daughter is busy sorting through all the stuffed animals and toys that she can’t wait to share! She is beyond excited to be a big sister, and we are thrilled to welcome new siblings into our home! We live life with joy—dancing, singing, and laughing often—while also valuing the importance of family, stability, and togetherness. Everything we do is as a team, with grandparents who love being part of our lives and adventures. Thank you for taking the time to get to know us. We hold deep respect and gratitude for you as you consider this decision. We would be honored to welcome your child into our family and share a lifetime of love. With love, Iván & Angel
Hello & Thank You , It is nice to "meet" you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this letter about us. Our names are Caitlin and Josh. We cannot begin to imagine what you may be feeling right now, but we know that you love your baby deeply and want what is best for them. We admire and respect you for your decision to create an adoption plan and recognize the courage and strength it takes to get here. We have been married for 10 years and have wanted to start a family for a long time. After going through IVF and experiencing losses, we felt God calling us to adoption. Two years ago, we were blessed to become parents through the adoption of our daughter. She is truly the answer to every prayer we have ever prayed. We would love for her to grow up with a sibling and feel called to adopt again. We have a wonderful open adoption with our daughter’s birth mom and hope to have that same kind of relationship with you if that is something you would like. We are Christian and very family-oriented with large, loving families close by. It is important to us that our daughter and any future children grow up surrounded by love and support from not just us but from our extended family as well. We are blessed to see our families often and to travel together for holidays and special occasions. It brings us such joy to watch our daughter play with her cousins and experience those special family moments. Our greatest hope is to raise our children to know and love the Lord above all else. We want them to be kind, strong, and self-sufficient with a good work ethic and confidence in who they are. We will always encourage them to discover their passions and will support them however we can so they can reach any goal they may have for the future. We are eager to share more with you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you through this journey. We pray for peace and health through the time ahead. We are happy to answer any questions that you may have about us. We appreciate your time and consideration and would love the opportunity to share more with you. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey. We are praying for your peace and health in the days ahead, and we would be honored to answer any questions you may have about us. Sincerely, Josh & Caitlin
Hello & Thank You , Thank you for considering us to be parents of your child. We cannot imagine what you’re going through and how difficult this must be, but we admire your strength and the love you have for your child. My name is Bre, and my husband is Lane. We began dating in 2018 and were married in 2021. Adoption has been on my heart since before we were married. By our fourth date, I shared with Lane that I likely wouldn’t be able to have kids biologically, and that adoption would likely be the route to starting a family. It may have been early in a relationship for such a heavy conversation, but luckily, it didn’t scare Lane in the least bit. His steady support only deepened my love for him. We are excited to grow our family and can’t wait to be parents. I was a teacher for many years and now work in an administrative role at a school. Between my time in education, time spent with friends’ children, and the wonderful moments I share with my niece and nephews, I’ve gained a lot of experience with children and love spending time with them. Lane is a project manager and enjoys the work-life balance his job provides. He has no work travel and very predictable hours, which we feel will be ideal when raising a child. Lane is amazing with our friends’ kids, our godchildren, and his niece and nephews, all of whom adore him. He’s always the favorite among the kids; they love playing and interacting with Lane and think he is so much fun. We are fortunate to have a huge community of friends and family all nearby. We spend a lot of time with them, and your child will be surrounded by that same love and support. We promise your child a warm, loving home filled with fun, safety, family traditions, and unique experiences. Your child will always be encouraged to cultivate their interests, value learning, embrace their individuality, experience new things, and embody kindness. We will be honest and open with your child about who they are, where they come from, and how much they are loved by both you and us. Whatever your decision may be, thank you for taking the time to consider us. Sincerely, Lane & Bre
Hello & Thank You , We are Chelsea and Nick, and we are truly honored and grateful that you are considering us as potential adoptive parents for your child. We want to acknowledge the immense courage and strength it takes to choose adoption, and we deeply appreciate the thought and care you are giving to this decision. Our journey to adoption has been deeply personal. While we have faced struggles with infertility, our desire to adopt began long before we were married. Growing up, Chelsea was surrounded by adoption. Two of her siblings, her aunt, and her uncle were all adopted, so building a family this way has always felt natural to her. Our faith in God plays a central role in our lives, guiding us to love, serve, and trust His plan. Adoption reflects the love and grace we believe He has shown us, and it is a path we hold very dear. After facing challenges and experiencing a loss, we were so blessed to welcome our daughter, Sofia, into our lives through adoption. She is everything to us, our little miracle and a daily reminder that love and hope can turn any hardship into something beautiful. For us, adoption represents not only the joy and love of expanding our family but also the incredible strength and love of parents like you who make this choice. We are surrounded by family and friends who have embraced our journey and who share in our joy and commitment to providing a nurturing and supportive home. As parents, we hope to offer a child a home where they will feel cherished and encouraged to grow, celebrate their uniqueness, and pursue their dreams in every way possible. Should we be chosen, we want your child to always know how special, wanted, and deeply loved they are—not only by our family and us but also by you. We want you to know that you will always hold a meaningful and cherished place in their life and in our family. Please know that your decision, whatever it may be, is honored and supported. Thank you for considering us as potential adoptive parents and for the hope you bring to families like ours. Please know that you are in our prayers. With heartfelt appreciation, Nick & Chelsea
Hello & Thank You , First and foremost, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for considering us as adoptive parents for your child and the incredible strength and love it takes to make such a courageous and selfless decision. We can only imagine the depth of thought and emotion that has gone into this journey, and we deeply admire and respect you for it. While we may never fully understand everything you are experiencing, please know that we see your bravery, love, and sacrifice. As we share a bit about ourselves and the life we hope to offer your child, know that our hearts are full of gratitude for you and the love you are showing through this process. We’re Jonathan and Melissa. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for 5. While we don’t have children yet, our 13-year-old dog, Benji, is truly part of the family. He’s like our first baby. We were both born and raised in California but moved to Texas in 2020 and now love calling it home. Our faith is a big part of who we are, and we regularly attend church, which helps guide our values and how we hope to raise a family. We treasure time with our loved ones, many of whom have children we enjoy being around. Your child will grow up surrounded by a close-knit, caring group, including excited grandparents, cousins to grow up with, and family friends who feel like extended family. We’re also blessed with a diverse circle of people from many backgrounds, all bringing love, support, and unique perspectives. We can’t wait for your child to join in the laughter, love, and joyful chaos that fills our lives. As a couple, our focus will always be on your child’s happiness and well-being. We’re committed to providing a stable, loving home where they feel safe, supported, and unconditionally loved. Whatever their dreams or path may be, we’ll be there with guidance, encouragement, and a strong foundation. Our greatest hope is to provide your child with every opportunity to thrive, while always honoring the love and bravery behind your decision. As they grow, we will ensure they know their story and the love that led to your courageous choice. Sincerely, Jonathan & Melissa
Hello & Thank You , We want to thank you for taking the time to get to know us. While we cannot imagine the feelings you have or will experience in your decision to create an adoption plan for your child, we hope you feel loved and supported, and we personally want you to know how brave and selfless we think you are. We are Andy and Mandy, and we currently share our home and lives with 2 very different yet equally fun and snuggly doggos, Sophie and Maxx. Andy and I have been married for 8 years and together for just over 20 years. Our early years in our relationship were spent having fun, growing as individuals and as a couple, and then establishing our careers. We knew early into our marriage we wanted a family. We tried for years to grow our family on our own, but through many different tests and treatments, we realized that may not be something we are able to do. Throughout our relationship, we had always been open to adoption; many friends and family have shared their journey with adoption and fostering, so our hearts were always open to this, and we have seen that biology doesn’t define the love and care provided to a child. Because of our family's experience in adoption and fostering, we know the importance of your child understanding their birth story, where they came from, and how truly special they and their birth family are to us. If you decide to make an adoption plan with us, we want you to know how loved not only your child will be, but also how cared for and supported you will be. We are so grateful for your time and hope that our profile provides you the insight into our lives, the people we are, and the love, care, and security we can provide. We want to offer you our sincerest support and wish for you to know what an honor and blessing you may be giving our family we are chosen to be the adoptive parents for your child. Sincerely, Andy & Mandy
Hello & Thank You , Thank you so much for considering us as potential adoptive parents for your child. My name is Brittany, and my husband is Cody. We have been together for over ten years and live here in Texas with our two young boys and three dogs. We feel incredibly blessed that you are taking the time to read our story as we pursue adoption to grow our family. Adoption has always been close to our hearts. Even when we were young and best friends, we often talked about building a big family, long before we understood the medical challenges we would later face. Cody was adopted by his father at the age of two and grew up in a loving home with his parents and three siblings. I was raised in Colorado with my parents and sister, whom I love dearly. We are both blessed with large, supportive families who are excited to walk alongside us on this journey. We truly cannot imagine the emotions you are feeling as you create an adoption plan. Your strength and selflessness are deeply admirable. We want you to feel comfortable, supported, and loved throughout this process. If you choose us, your child will always know their adoption story, the courage behind your decision, and where it all began. Your child will be surrounded by love in our home, with two fierce big brothers who will treasure them, dedicated parents, and a whole community of family and friends. No matter what decision you make, please know you will remain in our thoughts and prayers. Cody and I have faced unimaginable challenges together, and through them we have built a marriage rooted in faith, strength, passion, and unconditional love. Our children are always our top priority. Cody’s dedication has allowed me to stay home and focus fully on raising our children, which has been an incredible blessing. He is hardworking, driven, and devoted to our family, and I am passionate about motherhood and caring for our children each day. Our sons are truly our miracles. While I was able to carry both pregnancies, each came with life-threatening complications. After welcoming our second child, we knew that adoption was the path God was leading us toward. Over the past two years, we have prayerfully and thoughtfully considered this decision, and we believe adoption is the next step in making our family whole. Becoming parents has been the greatest joy of our lives, and we cannot wait to share that love with another child. Love, Cody & Brittany
Hello & Thank You , Thank you so much for taking the time to get to know us. We cannot begin to understand the emotions you may be feeling or what you may be going through, but we recognize your courage and feel truly honored that you would consider us. We want to share a little bit about our family with you. We are Jason, Vanessa, and Alex. We have always wanted to have a family and have known for some time that adoption would be our choice for building a family. I, Vanessa, learned as a teenager that I would not be able to have biological children. When we began dating, I told Jason about my experience with infertility, and I was moved by his support and openness to adoption. In 2023, we were blessed to be matched with amazing birth parents when Alexander was born. Our hearts have been so full, and we have been so grateful to become Alex’s adoptive parents. Both our lives have been touched by adoption. As a toddler, I was adopted by my stepdad, and Jason has a cousin who adopted children after fostering. We also have friends who have adopted, and we have a close friend whose sister placed her child for adoption. We've listened to their experiences to help us understand their unique stories and perspectives. We have a wonderful relationship with Alex’s birth parents. We have in-person visits with them and regularly share photos and updates through texts. We look forward to getting to know you and welcome an open adoption relationship that feels comfortable and right for you. We believe it is important for your child to know their adoption story and that your decision was made from a place of deep love. They will know how special they and their birth family are. We are so excited for the opportunity to build our family. We are committed to providing a loving, nurturing, stable home for your child to thrive. For us, parenting means having unconditional love, lots of story times, holding space for our children’s emotions, encouraging their curiosity, enjoying the outdoors, laughter, faith, and spending time with friends and extended family. We appreciate your time and consideration. We will continue to pray for you and the decision you are making. We truly hope you feel at peace with the decision that feels right for you. Sincerely, Jason & Vanessa
